Don't Play With Fire, Unless You Can Handle Getting Burned

Sometimes hanging out with family can be just what someone needs. bewarre the wrath of little sisters, for they can be very protective and vengeful... Anyways, I'm tired and I'm gonna go to bed, I'll post more later  This is the last time I'm writing this entry if it gets deleted again I'm gonna go crazy.  Some people need to learn that sometimes not everythng has to do with them.  The poetry that is contained on this page is most likely me venting.  Don't take it personally...  It's not an attack on anyone or meant to show a total disreagrd for other people's emotions or feelings.  I can't helkp how I feel, If I could go back in time and make it september over again I would.  But the real world doesn't work like that, I have some deeply rooted emotional scars now caused by people that told me they loved me and I doin't exactly know how to handle that sometimes.  It's hard.  I'm trying to get back to normal and with the help of a few awe4some friends especially JD I'm doing better.  But these mental bruises are going to take a while to heal, and there's only one person that can make things right.  Although I don't know if they either don't want to or don't have the capacity to.  Anyways, anyone who wants to talk.....  You know the e-mail, and the aim sn.  I'm gonna go now

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at December 31, 2003 11:40 | link | comments

well, last was a good night, I won at RISK..... again..... that's brings my wining streak to hmmmm..... 47 games, over 2 years 5 months. w00t!!!!!!! I love that game. Anyways, after that it was time to play some DDR with my friends and a few family relatives where Jas and I promptly school endless mode. Yay!!! Other than that I'm kinda enjoying the break from school, I know I have to go back and obviously I'm looking forward to hanging out with my friends, but I am really enjoying the non-stress lifetsyle for a little while. Oh well, can't have your cake and eat it too right?? I know there are some people who are going through some rough times. To those people: Y'all know if you need anything just say the word, and I'll be ready to beat your opressors witha wet noodle. hehe. Anyone who needs me today can call me on the mobile. Have a good day everyone.

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at December 29, 2003 12:06 | link | comments (1)

for a friend of mine who I know is going through some rough times, sorry I couldn't come up with something better.  I just wish I could do more than write:

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at December 28, 2003 01:13 | link | comments

This has been a reat x-mas for me.  I got everything I wanted, but the best part was that everyone that I got presents for absolutely loved them.  I think that I did the best x-mas shopping for my family this year, they all seem like they really really really enjoyed their presents, and that makes me happy.  Now it's jsut time to plan for New Year's.  Any suggestion, wanna come, leave me a comment if I haven't already invited you

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at December 28, 2003 00:42 | link | comments

Justin: hey andrea
Justin: guess what the gum is saying
Justin: EAT ME
Justin: EAT ME NOW
Justin: YOU KNOW YOU WANT ME
Justin: EAAATTT ME
Justin: lol
Andrea: HAHAHAH

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at December 25, 2003 23:32 | link | comments

and when I think about you, I smile...

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at December 25, 2003 19:04 | link | comments (1)

well, this holiday season has been very good to me.  I don't really want to talk about it right now, but with the exception of one thing, I feel really great.  Now if I couldn only fix that one thing everything would be perfect.  But I'm happier right now than I've been in a long time, and I have someone to thank for that.  Anyways, merry x-mas everyone, I hope your day goes well

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at December 25, 2003 06:24 | link | comments (1)

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at December 23, 2003 00:12 | link | comments

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at December 23, 2003 00:11 | link | comments

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at December 23, 2003 00:02 | link | comments

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at December 23, 2003 00:02 | link | comments

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at December 23, 2003 00:01 | link | comments

a poem for me by someone close to me

I'd love to strap her down to the bed
And with a glimmer in my eye
Torture every last confession out of her
Have her bleed through her eyes
And down her pale cheeks as she sobs
She\'ll sob for what she did to you.

I'd love to bundle them like goatskins
And laughing lightly, as I ought,
Slowly set the grass beneath them aflame
Have them scream out their intentions
For shaming you with undue guilt
They’ll sob for what they did to you

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at December 22, 2003 18:10 | link | comments

Well, tonight is night 3 of the group spending the night.....  Never-Ending parties are awesome.  Anyways, that's why I haven't posted so much recently, I'll be back to post more I've got a bunch of things to post later.  But for now, I'm finally enjoying myself.  It's about time

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at December 21, 2003 23:33 | link | comments

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at December 21, 2003 02:01 | link | comments

Well, now that all is said and done, I just wait for oblivion.  Actually I was able to maintain an overall good GPA regardless of stupid Oerter's physics class.  Anyways, I had a very interesting conversation last night.  The outcome of which was the whittling down of my personality into one sentence.  I just want someone to love me.  I know that's sounds stupid and totally naive, but I don'tcare that's jsut how it is.

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at December 20, 2003 13:03 | link | comments

I found the pieces in my hand 
They were always there 
It just took some time for me to understand 
You gave me words I just can't say 
So if nothing else 
I'll just hold on while you drift away 

Cause everything you wanted me to hide 
Is everything that makes me feel alive 

CHORUS: 
The cities grow the rivers flow 
Where you are I'll never know 
But I'm still here 
If you were right and I was wrong 
Why are you the one who's gone 
And I'm still here 

I'm still here 

You've seen the ashes in my heart 
You smile the widest when I cry inside and my insides blow apart 
I try to wear another face 
Just to make you proud 
Just to make you put me in my place 

But everything you wanted from me 
Is everything that I could never be 

(chorus) 

Maybe tonight it's gonna be alright 
I will get better 
Maybe today it's gonna be okay 
I will remember 

I held the pieces of my soul 
I was shattered 
And I wanted you to come and make me whole 
Then I saw you yesterday 
But you didn't notice 
You just walked away 

Cause everything you wanted me to hide 
Is everything that makes me feel alive 

(chorus) 

The lights go out the bridges burn 
Once you go you can't return 
But I'm still here 
Remember how you used to say 
I'd be the one to run away 
But I'm still here 

I'm still here

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at December 18, 2003 14:07 | link | comments

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at December 14, 2003 23:32 | link | comments

My heart, fragile like glass
Has been shattered by memories of the past
It's pieces are scattered on the ground
But two pieces are missing, never to be found
While the rest will be quickly stiched back together
Two unnoticeable fragments will be gone forever
I didn't realize it for quite awhile
Until the day I realized I could no longer laugh or smile
The thread binding me together ripped apart
And I was left holding the shattered pieces of my heart
Will someone help me fix it again?
All it will take is love for it to mend
But the truth of the matter makes me sad
Love is something I will never have
To this world I do not matter
My heart will forever remain shattered

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at December 14, 2003 23:01 | link | comments (1)

I just want everything to be over. 

everything...........

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at December 14, 2003 01:53 | link | comments

In the words of someone I know and trust.  "Love gave up on me so I replaced it with a bottle........"

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at December 12, 2003 13:43 | link | comments

I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown..... 

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at December 12, 2003 12:26 | link | comments

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at December 10, 2003 10:37 | link | comments (1)

not in a good mood.  my car broke down in the middle of 123.  Oh god lord that was so totally not cool.  Yeah.... Anyways I have to go I have a Multivariable and Vector calculus final tomorrow.  YAY!!!!!

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at December 09, 2003 22:17 | link | comments (1)

Today was a thoroughly busy day, and tomorrow will be just as much so, and the day after that even more so.  Ahhhhhh..... Finals.....   Anyways, If anyone wants to do something with me just give me a call, I'm sure I can work something out.  I also learned that I need to stay away from large glasses of Bacardi `151.  Oh boy, that's a fun story.  Anyways, if you see me on AIM drop me a line.  I can't promise that I'll get back to you right away, but I'll write you back as soon as I get a free moment.  Although that might be alittle while. 

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at December 09, 2003 01:30 | link | comments

hey, sorry it's been a little while since I last posted.  I've been kinda bus this weekend.  Trying to relax before finals start.  ewwwwww.... finals..... stress....  Anyways I'll post more later, as for now I'm going to bed

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at December 08, 2003 01:21 | link | comments

I'll be okay................ (just keep telling yourself that Jusin, maybe one day it'll actually come true, ha, right!!)

Anyone know what today is.  I do, and it's not making me very happy right now.  Not at all

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at December 05, 2003 12:29 | link | comments (1)

still working on my Computer Science project although I had to go to work at 4am I worked on CS for about 12 dstraight hours then started again when I got back from work.  Yeah, So I have been staring at a computer screen for the last 16 hours.  The sad part is that I still have some erors in ruin-time that I'm gonna have to debug otherwise I'll get a bad grade for the semester.  Anyways, it seems that people have decided that either a) they don't wanna read my e-mail's to them or b) they don't bother replying ever.  This is getting annoying.  I put a lot of effort into some of those letters/poems that I've sent to people over that past few weeks, time that could have been spent doing hw.  But it was important to me, I guess other people don't feel that same level of importance attatched to them.  Oh well, I can't change the world, at least not right now, too much CS left to do .  Drop me a line if you hav any words of encouragement, or feel like whining for that matter either.  I'm always here to talk or listen.  Y'all know me.  I'm jus that kinda guy

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at December 04, 2003 10:39 | link | comments (3)

Computer Science!!!!!!!!!!!!  AHHHHH!!!!!  Arrays and pointers and evil nasty stuff 10 hours straight so far

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at December 04, 2003 00:28 | link | comments

Voices

You live inside my head
And appear from time to time
You rule over my fantasy
And keep my emotions in line

You know exactly what is what
Who is who and when
You control the feelings of my heart
And every now and then

You make me love another
You make me try to feel
Just so you can have the pleasure
To watch me try and heal

After each disappointment
You laugh aloud and say
"No one wants to love you, and no one wants to try.
I greatly enjoy doing this, watching you suffer and cry."

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at December 02, 2003 19:44 | link | comments

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