Don't Play With Fire, Unless You Can Handle Getting Burned

sooo incredibly tired......  I got about 2-3 hours of sleep last night.  I'm so tired that I can hardly stay awake to type this right now.  I really want to work on my book to finish it up for the final copy.  But I suppose tonight isn't going to be that inght.  Oh well, I'm going to bed now, but tmrw should be fun.  I'll post more coherently tmrw.  G'night y'all

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at January 31, 2004 21:39 | link | comments

Alright I'm enlisting the aid of everyone again to help me pick a cover for the book. Here's the deal visit the links and then tell me which one you like best. Pretty please??????????????????????????
thanks

http://members.cox.net/yukihitokiri/1.jpg
http://members.cox.net/yukihitokiri/3.jpg

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at January 29, 2004 18:30 | link | comments (2)

Well my dead-line got extended for the book. YAY!!!!! That maeans I can write more poetry....  Hopefully I'll have the entire things all ready to go by Sunday.  Of course that depends on whether or not Acrobat Professional decides it want to accept my document with embedded fonts.  Sometime Adobe is just so annoying.  Anyways, I'm probably going to be feverishly doin ght ebook, then doing a lot of hw, then having my annual super bowl commercial watching party with my friend.  It will be nice to get the old gang together.  It is tradition after all...  Anyways, I'm still taking title suggestions for the book if anyone wants to post one.  I hope everyone is having a good day, one that is a little less hectic than mine at the moment. 

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at January 29, 2004 14:43 | link | comments

Matrix Algebra = really really easy...
Differential Equations = annoying....

I'm gonna be doing a lot of hw tonight so drop me a line if you want to talk

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at January 28, 2004 20:58 | link | comments

figured it out fter a lot of work.  Anyone out there know anything about linear ODE's???  They're a lot of work..  Well not the linear ones, but the other ones, they stink...  I'll post more later, right now I'm just sitting at theuniversity in one of the computer labs.  Later Y'all

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at January 28, 2004 15:04 | link | comments

someone wanna help me out with this math problem.  Stupid Initial Value problem/differential equations

Find A value of the arbitrary constan c so that the given function x=phi(t) is a solution to the initial value problem.

x= C*e^(-t) +1

(dx/dt) + x = 1; x(0)=0

 

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at January 27, 2004 19:11 | link | comments (1)

yeah, so there was lot's of playing in the snow today.  Yay!!!!!!  I love snow.  Of course I am the Snow Assassin so why wouldn't I???  Anyways, I spent a lot of the day in the house, then Steph came over and we chilled for a while.  I dunno what I'm going to be doing tmrw.  It depends on whether or not the university decides to close.  Who Knows, the only annoying thing is they don't announce until like 6am.  And I have an 8am class.  So I still have to get up at 6 tmrw regardless of wheteher or not they cancel classes, either to find out that I can go bacvk to sleep or actually haul myself out of bed and go to class.  Anyways, still working on a title.  Not exactly sure what I'll be doing tmrw, so I'll post more later. 

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at January 26, 2004 23:28 | link | comments

So I've narrowed it down again
A) "I Can't Remember To Forget You"
B) "The Snow Assassin Will Have His Revenge"
C) "Cancer of the Soul"
D) "And All That Reamins..."

Pick one.. pweaseeeee.  Pretty please????

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at January 25, 2004 17:08 | link | comments (1)

okay, I'm getting down to the deadline for my book...  And I can't figure out a title.  Anyone who reads this please leave me a comment on which title you think would be best for my upcoming book of poetry.

A) "The Snow Assassin Will Have His Revenge"
B) "Love, Hate, And Everything In Between"
C) "Cancer Of The Soul"
D) "And All That Remains..."
E) "I Use To Have A Heart"
F) fill in your own

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at January 24, 2004 19:47 | link | comments (5)

Hatred

Tell yourself you hate someone and everyone hates you.
Force yourself to love someone and the whole world approves.
Announce your disapproval and everybody sneers.
Force a smile on your face and everybody cheers.
How can I go on lying, winning friends at any rate,
When love is always dying and it’s so easy to hate?
I’m not a heartless person, though I know that’s how I seem.
People tell me ‘Love is Life,’ but life is but a dream.

Snow Is Beautiful: When It's Covered In Blood

How beautiful it is,
When the snow falls and lands on my face,

I want to smile,
To let what happens happen.
To just allow myself to dream,
As I skip off into a fantasy world.

But as much as this beauty means,
It doesn't shock me that I'm truly off into another world.
I'm alone in this,
So much to hide from my sore eyes.

Continue to gaze into the snowy night,
I feel as though I'm becoming numb,
My body is sinking into the snow.

I feel as though I'm becoming one with it,
As if the snow is my true love.
Angelic,
And pale as white,
Thick with blood.

Such is the life of me,

Justin Cook, The Snow Assassin......

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at January 23, 2004 19:38 | link | comments (2)

another insanely long day of schoolwork.  This time about 11-12 hours....  Thank god I get to sleep in tmrw.  Leave me a message if you want to talk I'm going to bed

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at January 22, 2004 22:12 | link | comments (1)

Okay, well I just spent 12.5 hours at school doing work almost non-stop...  This is a ridiculous pace.  Time to sleep now.  I'll post more on Thursday Night

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at January 21, 2004 21:51 | link | comments

wow..... first day back from winter break always sucks.....  My schedule is posted in my links page if anyone wants to see it.  It's absolutely ridiculously packed with stuff.  I don't know how I'm going to make it through this semester.  Anyways, I'm gonna go to bed now cuz I had to get up at 6 to go to school, and I have an early class tmrw.  Hope everyone has a good night.

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at January 20, 2004 21:32 | link | comments (2)

Where were you when I needed you?

Who were you with?

Why weren't you there?

 

Where were you when I needed you?

When times got rough you disappeared.

Showing up late.

Making me feel worthless.

 

Where were you when I needed you?

You didn't return my calls.

Acted as if I didn't matter.

As if I was some worthless whore.

 

Where were you when I needed you?

I gave it up and you walked right out the door.

Where were you?

I really needed you.

 

But now,

It's too late.

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at January 19, 2004 22:00 | link | comments (2)

Anyways, whoever is the 5000th visitor leave me a comment, and I will see about giving you a present.  Anyways, I'm just chillinlg with my friends right now...  I'm going to be posting some new poetry sometime hopefully before this weekend.  We'll see about that later. 

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at January 19, 2004 17:56 | link | comments (2)

hmmmmmm...... I discovred something today.  It's very disturbing.  There was some information that came up during my interview that could only have been found out one way.  One of my friends betrayed me.  That's not a fun thing to think about.  Oh well, I'm gonna try not to think about it.  Instead I'll just try to finish my work

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at January 18, 2004 21:36 | link | comments

I came to the realization last night that my heart is broken.  No noit in a sad sort of way.  I mean in the way that one person actually ruined love for me.  I no longer desire to love anymore.  All I am is a shell of apthy anymore.  It's so morbidly depressing.  I hate it so much.  But I never want to fall in love again.  I never ever ever thought I'd hear myself say that, and it still sounds so strange, but here I lie a broken person.

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at January 17, 2004 17:20 | link | comments (1)

no sleep yet, some chilling and then some owrking on my manuscript.  It needs a few edits before I'm ready to send it off

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at January 17, 2004 04:19 | link | comments

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck...... That interview did not go well.........

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at January 15, 2004 08:27 | link | comments (1)

"Love, Hate, and Lies" Yes, that's right I'm getting published. if you want to take a look at some poems from my manuscript I'll post a few right now... This isn't meant as a stab or anything like an attack. Just to let people know how I feel, and the feelins I still have inside of me.............

Checkmate:

Life is so confusing. Why the hell is everyone given the need for love? Are those of us that aren't perfect doomed to die a self-inflicted death? By the pain of simply being alone, or the pain I may cause when the emotion clouds all reason, I can't imagine that I'll live much longer without someone there to talk to when it's 2 in the morning and I'm crying like a child. I believe I would give my soul to be loved by someone close enough to wipe away the tears. I suppose insecurity's unattractive, and rejection breeds insecurity, but how does one escape the cycle long enough to see it from another angle? Try as I may, I can't force myself to find value in this rotting shell, and my mind is too deceitful, too masochistic; always working toward the check, forcing me to avoid the mate. Maybe that's my problem in the first place.

I Could Love You:

I could love you,
If you'd let me.
Open up and let me fall into your arms.
I would hold you,
If you'd touch me.
Don't bother being perfect anymore.
I'd wait for you,
If I knew how to.
I guess I care too much to let you go.
I could love you,
If you'd let me.
No one has to find out, has to know.
I would listen,
If you'd speak.
You seem to not know how to anymore.
I could love you,
If you'd let me.
I can take whatever pain you have in store.
I'd stand waiting,
If you left me.
Your smile is enough to make me stay.
I could love you,
If you'd let me.
Let me touch you and make the pain go away.

A Dead Soul:

You ripped it out
can't you see it lying on the floor?
Drained of life
it will beat no more.
You stomped on it until it was black and blue.
Now tattered and torn
it no longer looks like it used to.
You hold it in your hands and cry
but YOU were the reason that soul died.

Goodbye:

As I lay here dying
I’m all alone
There’s nothing left
Now that you’re gone
I lie here day by day
Wondering when this will end
This pain and misery
Cutting deep within
I hear you whisper in my ear
I see your face as u disappear
Our love is dying
Fading to black
I made a mistake when I looked in your eyes
Full of betrayal
And full of lies
I used to be happy
I used to have you
Now my sky is never blue
Now you’re gone
And I feel as if it’s the end
Love is a game
A game I’ll never win
I’m saying goodbye
Though its hard to do
But all I do is hurt
And its because of you...

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at January 14, 2004 20:54 | link | comments (2)

OH lord, I've only got 11 days left until my final manscript needs to be done.......  I'll post some poems later.  Wish Me luck

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at January 13, 2004 19:00 | link | comments

sup people?  I'm just kinda wondering what to do today...  I don't really wanna do anything I just kinda want to crawl up into a little ball and go to sleep.  That would be nice, if someone was there to hold me, and just to let me fall asleep.  Maybe then I could have some peace, but knowing me probly not.  Well a lot of tonight will probly be spent hanging out with Blair, then off to work on my mansucript.  After that, restless sleep...  I'll post a poem later maybe, I'll talk to everyone later, unless you want to e-mail me or something.

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at January 12, 2004 15:05 | link | comments

Why do the memories of you haunt me continously, WHY WHY WHY WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!  I just want to stop hurting...  Whatever that takes, is it really that much to ask for?  I need some advice, unfortunately noone has ben able to really help me so far.

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at January 11, 2004 16:32 | link | comments (2)

Hey, Everyon...... IT"S POEM TIME!!!!!

Anywyas, as always tell you friends, comments/suggestions always welcome.    These are a little darker.  But I have a few more that are even darker, if you want to see 'em let me know by hittin that comment button.

-------------------------

Poem 1

 

As I lay here dying
I’m all alone
There’s nothing left
Now that you’re gone
I lie here day by day
Wondering when this will end
This pain and misery
Cutting deep within
I hear you whisper in my ear
I see your face as u disappear
Our love is dying
Fading to black
I made a mistake when I looked in your eyes
Full of betrayal
And full of lies
I used to be happy
I used to have you
Now my sky is never blue
Now you’re gone
And I feel as if it’s the end
Love is a game
A game I’ll never win
I’m saying goodbye
Though its hard to do
But all I do is hurt
And its because of you...

--------------------------------

Poem 2:

 

I’m not asking you to remember my best friends birthday.
I’m not asking you to remember mine.
I’m just wishing you wouldn’t forget the little things,
I say from time to time.

We could talk on the phone for an hour each night,
About things that mattered to me,
My regrets, my hopes, my fears and ambitions,
In five years where I’d like to be.

We could talk on the phone for an hour each night,
About things that mattered to you,
Your regrets, your hopes, your fears and ambitions,
And find that we both shared a few.

It’s a comfort to know someone feels how you’re feeling,
And I’d hang up the phone with a smile.
But it hurts me to know that it’ll all be forgotten,
By the next time that I go to dial.

I’m not asking you to remember all my thoughts on the world.
I’m not asking you to see things how I see.
I’m just wishing you wouldn’t forget the little things,
Things important to me.

I could dye my hair red, paint my house red, wear red,
And talk about red all the time,
And still if we talked about favorites,
You’d say you didn’t know red was mine.

Whereas if you told me something that you liked,
You wouldn’t have to say it again.
Hell, if you told me you liked poultry,
I’d be tempted to buy you a hen.

Maybe it’s just an image thing.
You don’t want to look like you care,
But you make me feel so unwanted,
Like you don’t even notice I’m there.

I’m not asking you to remember all my likes and dislikes.
I’m not asking you to remember how I take my tea.
I’m just wishing you wouldn’t forget the little things,
The little things that make me, me.

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at January 09, 2004 18:15 | link | comments

translation:

l never
forget
it,
your face.
I'll never
forget
you
or your voice
your eyes
or everything else
I'm never
going to
forget you,
because I
locked you
in my heart
and threw away
the key.

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at January 09, 2004 11:57 | link | comments (1)

What's up people?  Anyways, I've just been sitting here trying to figure out all the crap I have to to b4 school starts.  I really miss my friends, anyways, I've got a huge amount of poetry to post so here's the deal I'm trying to figure out how to do it.  I figured I 'd jsut post a few a day until I finally got them all done, that way I can get comments on stuff.  However, I could also save it as a web page and upload it to my links page.  I'm not sure yet.  Oh well I'll figure something out.  In the mean time I'm going to go and make ........... creme brulee.  YAYYYY!!! I love gourmet cooking.  Maybe later I'll make some cookies, as someone quite elqouently put it, cookies solve all sorts of problems.

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at January 08, 2004 17:42 | link | comments (1)

I might post the translation later, but this isn't one most people would like anyways

Niemals
werde ich
es vergessen,
dein Gesicht.
Niemals
werde ich
dich vergessen
oder deine Stimme
deine Augen
oder alles andere
Niemals
will ich dich vergessen,
denn ich hab dich
in meinem Herzen
eingeschlossen
und
den Schlüssel
weggeworfen

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at January 08, 2004 13:31 | link | comments (1)

poem time:

you do not know me
you never have
and never will
I hide behind a mask
inside my protective shell
I never show the inner me
the me you never see
but you do not care
you think you know who I am
you accept the illusion

=========================

Peom 2

I'm blinded by this darkness.
You used to be my light.
I thought you were my destiny.
I could've sworn you said you loved me.

Blinded...
By your porcelein skin.
Your false image of perfection.
Your curly hair, your beautiful eyes.
All those things I've come to despise.

Blinded...
By your "I love yous."
Every time you said you loved me.
I remember smiling. Drowning in your every word.
I was so desperate, believing what I heard.

And now that I'm no longer blinded by you.
I'm blinded by my hatred for you.
Shielded by my animosity.
No longer do I fear to speak my mind.
I hate you is what I've come to find.
and don’t bother to see inside
I stumble through the day
inside the pain is tearing me up
but on the outside I smile
I laugh, I play
and you never know
you never see the pain
because you do not know me
and you never will

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at January 06, 2004 18:27 | link | comments (1)

poetry later but for now:

Maturity begins when we're content to feel we're right about something without feeling the necessity to prove someone else wrong.

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at January 06, 2004 16:12 | link | comments

I look around the room and all I see
Is this unforgiving world gazing back at me

All the pain it brings lies within me heart so deep
That my soul is stuck inside a never-ending sleep.

I wonder if god, is a figment of my imagination
Sometimes I feel forsaken, and someday will face damnation

As I walk though life with my eyes straight forward
The demons behind me make me feel so awkward.

But I can do anything to combat these thoughts
No one can know the demons I’ve fought

And as I lie in bed and start to realize,
That I’m in this alone, and I’m the only one that tries.

And you will never know the demons I’ve fought
No one will ever know the demons I fought

And they don’t go away.

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at January 05, 2004 18:57 | link | comments (1)