Don't Play With Fire, Unless You Can Handle Getting Burned

For Those In Need Of a Laugh

 

"Friend "No; that girl is hideous."
Tucker "Whatever. She's good enough for the dick."
Friend "Your dick needs glasses."

I quickly get too shit-housed to succeed with anything other than a toilet brush, and go home alone. I was so retarded drunk that even the ugly girl wasn't into me. I started scrolling through my phone looking for booty calls and came across the number of a girl I used to hook up with, but hadn’t talked to in about a month. After calling and waking her up, the conversation went like this:

Tucker "Come over. I want to see you."
Girl "Tucker, I'm not going to come over and sleep with you."
Tucker "Well just come over...so we can talk. I want to talk to you...you know, hear about your day."
Girl "You want to hear about my day? At 3am? Right."
Tucker [Long pause ensues] "You aren't hot enough to have this much self-respect."

I'm clearly going to hell."  (Tucker Max) www.tuckermax.com

Posted by: hitokiriyuki at January 13, 2005 22:12 | link | comments